the drum|rob fairbanks

Speak Life

What would it be like for us if the harm we do with our words had immediate physical manifestations in the person we harm? In other words, if I gossiped about someone, they were to get a corresponding gash on their forehead.  Or if I were to slander someone with some awful, untrue statement to assuage a pain that I carry around, then the next time I saw them they walk up to me with a limp that was the result of my words.  What if I exploited someone through sarcasm to turn a joke in a group (which regularly happen both to me and from me), but actually harmed the person I was exploiting. What if they bent over with abdominal pain? Would it impact whether I continued to gossip, slander or exploit? Would it finally motivate me to stop, to measure my words, to repent?

What brought this picture to my  mind was Proverbs 12:18. It says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

 It has the intense imagery of physical pain as a result of reckless words. Words do matter. They can wound. I mean, duh! They have the power to heal or to injure. Not to give us a break, but the apostle James goes so far as to says that it is impossible to control the tongue. It is an unyielding foe. James is, however, saying these things not as relief from harnessing our words, but to simply state the challenge before every human.

John Gottman, the ubiquitous marriage therapist, states that for a marriage to be healthy (really any significant relationship) there needs to be a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. He does clarify that a positive interaction includes more than words. They could be in the form of a gentle touch, an embrace, a kind gesture or deed, but I would say that words form the main corpus of those interactions. The problem is, I know I am going to fail with my words. Seriously, I know it and hate it. The ratio though, does give me an actionable target. Divvy up all of my words and actions and make sure that I hit at least 5 to 1 with each significant person in my life. There does need to be action for the “one” as well…that would be in the form of forgiveness asking, which I will write about at some other time.

For now, I desire to live into the apostle Paul’s words, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) There it is. Speak life, build life in others.

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The State of Marriage (inside Russia) - from Rita's Ramblings

I have been in Russia for 7 days now and have found the experience incredibly enriching.  Starting Friday Robi and I will be leading a Marriage retreat with Christian Associates Board chair, Rita Warren and her husband, Michael. 

The link below is to Rita’s blog.  She describes our endeavor and the hope we have as we embark on the retreat.

Please pray for us 4 as we share a Christian view of life and marriage.

Here’s the link:The State of Marriage

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St Basil's in Moscow

 

Marriage and Mission

By Caitlin

If you have ever been to a small Christian college, or know someone who has, then you have probably heard the term “ring before spring.” And it is unusual to find an unmarried seni or pastor at any church. I’ve found that the Christian Church in America definitely emphasizes the importance and sacredness of marriage. Considering that we live in a culture obsessed with sex, this emphasis is probably a good thing. After all, Paul does say in 1 Corinthians  7:9 that “it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

However, I do wonder if the pressure to find a husband/wife can distract from living out God’s mission. I know many people who, when considering the potential of another for dating or marriage, really only consider whether or not they claim to be a Christian, and if they have chemistry. Both of those are important, but I don’t think it should stop there. Many of  my friends seem to look for that “special someone” first, and consider how they can live out God’s mission afterward. 

We had a group of really wonderful people come into class to talk about living missionally, and two of them were a young married couple who run an organization called Global Neighborhood, which helps refugees from other countries adjust to life in the United States. Both of them had given up everything to follow Christ’s call for their lives, and he blessed them with one another. But I started to think, what if one of them hadn’t listened to this call? Would that have stopped them both from living out Christ’s mission, or just changed the way they do that?

Like almost any other twenty-year-old woman, of course I want to get married at some point. But people look at me strangely when I say, “I’d be okay if I stay single my whole life. ” Especially in the last couple of years, I’ve felt God calling me to the dark places, to work with broken people. I do not really want the American Dream. However, I could see myself being easily swayed and pulled away from following this call if I started considering a significant other’s desires or needs foremost. I think that God plans for some people to serve him as singles, and some as married couples. Why is this such a unheard-of concept to so many Christian college students today?