the drum|rob fairbanks

Listening = Love

You don't have to say everything you know 

Jesus was emphatic when he stated that the prime objective for every one of His followers was to love someone else.

“Finally, the other lady is getting a chance to talk.” Those are the un-tempered words spinning around inside
my head. See, I am sitting here at one of my favorite restaurant attempting to enjoy breakfast, but am extraordinarily distracted. I'm being forced to listen to the conversation at the table to my left. The weather is a perfect. The view is captivating. The food is exquisite. Unfortunately, my senses are being dominated by a woman sitting at the table next to me on the restaurant’s patio as she engages her “OUTSIDE VOICE.” She is also, obviously terminally ill and has only 45 minutes to live. The reason I am aware of this is she is attempting to dispense everything she knows before her breakfast is over.

Words Used Score: OUTSIDE VOICE lady 1000 words per minute, her guest at the table 0.

I think to myself, “Man, I’m annoy.” While at the same time I think, “Man, I’m annoyable.”

I'm probably overly sensitive because I also have the proclivity to over communicate at times, to not listen well to others, and probably have some strange mental condition, demonstrated by my profound testiness over relatively insignificant external stimuli. It makes me irritably aware of my own need to listen more than speak and to ask questions rather than to enter into a monologue (Thank you very much, I’ll be here all week), even if I know all the answers. And I do know a lot of the answers…just ask me.

This all reminds me of the Apostle James words, “Be slow to speak…”

So, Today I Resolve:

• To speak fewer words than whoever I’m with.
• To ask more questions, even if it is to get to an answer that I know already. :)
• To believe that who I am with is actually human and is a carrier of a valuable story.

If I, if we can truly listen to those around us we will possibly be providing one of the most loving gestures available.

Now, I’ve gotta go before I go into my “OUTSIDE VOICE” and scream, “For the love of God, let the other person have her turn”

Some Non-Morbid Musings on Death

A couple of days ago I went through about an hour of weeping. A cry-fest, if you will. Now, those who know me are not startled a bit by that revelation. My tears reside just below the surface, not waiting, but anticipating the next chance they have to escape. It was said of St. Francis that he had the gift of tears. I guess that makes him and I some kind of kin.  

This, however, was not my normal get teary at a moment of joy or lament. It was a level up from that. It was more related to convulsing or even heaving. To make it even stranger, I was alone sitting in my living room, really not looking for a reason to cry.

Here's what happened. I'm schedule to perform a wedding next month in Denver (perform? What a weird way to describe officiating a wedding - ok, just noticed that officiating is just as weird) for a near daughter of mine, Jamie Helwick. Jamie is one of the dearest hearted people I’ve ever been privildged to know. While preparing for the ceremony…for my “performance” I was looking through prior ceremonies that I’ve led. These files are on my computer where I keep all of the info I have accumulated for weddings in a file entitled, Marry/Bury. Yep, Weddings AND Funerals. On a whimsical move I meandered to the Bury side of the file and began looking at memorials that I had officiated down through the years. I began to stroll through the dear friends and family of mine that of died. I started by reading the eulogy I wrote for Jeanie Cross. Then I moved on to Punky and Andy (one of the closest friends I’ve ever had and a son in the faith) and finally my Mom and Dad. By the time I read my mom's eulogy I was inconsolable. It was as if some fragile glass between me and a hidden storehouse of emotions had been shattered. It was not as if I hadn't reconciled the losses or conceded that I wouldn't see them all again. It really wasn't even sadness. I do deeply miss each one of them, but this was more like a resolve of gratitude from the joy and privilege of traveling with them.

In a way, life's journey and death are like a beautiful river. When observing a river, part of the loveliness is found in its turbulence, the sheer movement. It is mesmerizing, very similar, at least for me, to watching breakers collide with the beach at the ocean. There is something inside most people that feels like they can just sit and never weary of watching. It is almost like some ancient enchantment or spell cast on them. If a river becomes static it would cease being what it was supposed to be, in a sense, it would lose its innate beauty, it would lose its enchanting powers.

Photo by Craig Goodwin

If you were to visit my city in the spring, you would be able to observe the impressive Spokane River in its most breathtaking season. I have often commented that if the river rushed this forcefully year round, it would be a national treasure. People travel from all over to see it. The problem is, if you come in late summer you will not find anyone looking at it at all. Because it is mountain fed, it is reduced to a trickle. Its source has dried up. The turbulence, the white water over protruding boulders, the brilliance is gone. That is the way life and death is. If we try to capture it, we reduce it to something it was never supposed to be.

In reading a journal (The Antler's Journal) this last week I came across this elegant line by John Donne, the poet. He wrote that when a person dies, “…one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language.” I'm not saying that the death of people I love has ever been easy. It may be one of life’s most severe challenges. But it does have a beauty and gratitude couched within the complexity and loss.

Below is a short poem (or something – I’m not sure if it would be considered poetry or not) that I wrote a few years ago regarding death.

Death: A Confused Friend

A confused friend you are...

 

You are cold and separate,

yet bold and inviting

 

I've never wanted you as a friend, we are an uneasy couple.

 

You come both with tears and reuniting,

You come creating distance and promise,

You come with both sting and freedom.

 

A confused friend you are.

r

Related articles

A Birth, a Death and a Resurrection

Good Deaths

Why Do We Call Him Lord (HT - McKnight)

I came across this today and felt like posting it, particuuarly as our country continues in its warring posture and stands on the precipice of another engagement.

We call a poor man “Lord” and in his name determine friends and enemies on the basis of who has oil for us.

We call “Lord” a man who told us to love our enemies but in his name make enemies to promote our values.

We call a peaceful man “Lord” and then favor those who divide in order to conquer.

We call “Lord” the one who gave us a vision for life that will not succumb to broken realities and we chose instead to use pragmatic justifications.

Why do we call him “Lord” and not do as he says?

Yoder's, The Priestly Kingdom, 195. (HT - Jesus Creed)

Christ have mercy...

r

Hatred or Love, Vengeance or Mercy

I awoke this morning to two very different bits of news.

The first was on CNN about another senseless and seemingly random murder…this time in my own city. We’ve finally made the top story on CNN. Unfortunately, it was for reprehensible reasons. Two teens beat a World War II vet to death yesterday not far from my home. An 88-year-old man! This is immediately on the heels of the similar senseless shooting of an Australian youth living and going to school in Oklahoma by 3 other teens, apparently because they were “bored.” Although, there does seem to be some race motive behind that act. Many in Australian at this point are measuring whether coming to the U.S. is a reasonable venture because of fear of this type of violence. There is even gestures of a “Boycott” of the U.S.

Honestly, I am taken aback by the motiveless anger and violence that these two events represent. I was saying to Robi this morning that for the first time as an adult I feel like my own land is incredibly unsafe.  I know violence has been present forever. I know that. I don’t live in a cave. You can also say that I am over reacting, but MY feelings are real. An aside: Isn’t that what the goal of terrorism is? To create fear?

The other bit of news I received this morning was on a site that I listen to often while laying in bed – Pray as you go.  The message this morning was from Matthew where a Lawyer questions Jesus about the greatest of all commandments.

Here it is:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Jesus is in essence saying that the most important thing His follower can think or do is love! Love God and love others. Unrestrained, unafraid, intentionally love.

Talk about a dichotomy of messages: Random hatred and unmitigated love!

Two things come to my mind:

1. How do I love when the world seems like it is reeling the opposite direction? I honestly feel like I want to move toward retribution, not love. I want justice, not mercy. I even sometimes feel like it would be best (and justified) just to return the favor and kill the perpetrators of the original act. You know…Eye for an eye stuff. How do you process those feelings?
2. I also have this emerging feeling that we are moving toward a time when some of Jesus’ words will make a great deal more sense in our land. Sayings like, “You are the salt of the earth” and “You are the light of the world.” When you think of these sayings, you get the feeling that Christians are to be a contrast people…counter-cultural in our ethic and responses (unfortunately, many Christians I know opt toward actuating the feelings I described in my first point – “just kill em”). Well, today, maybe more than ever in recent years, a response of loving will create a great contrast. In the historic moralistic setting Americans exist in where “civil religion” has reigned, being “salty” and “lighty” sometimes gets blurry with all the nationalistic and quasi-religious overtones. I am moved by the idea that this is THE opportune time to display the grand Kingdom of our Lord, Jesus!

Can we love when treated poorly? What does that even look like?

Can we respond with kindness, instead of vengeance?

Can we step fearlessly toward others, who are wounded and hurt...and violent with something other than retribution?

Will we hide out in superficially safe environments to avoid the people that Jesus died for because of love?

Could it be that this is the time for the church, Christ's followers to rise and provide the only remedy for the emptiness and hurt in the world that is behind these acts?

Is it possible that the very symbol Jesus challenges us to display will be what we are actually known for?

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. Matthew 5:13-16

Peace,

r

What Motivates Your Life to Do Good?

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I looked up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.” Psalm 63:3 

Yesterday, I wrote about the amazing gesture of adoration the woman in John 12 gave to Jesus by pouring a bottle of pure nard, an entire years wages worth, onto His feet. The follow-up question that must be broached is what would bring about such an extravagant gesture? What drove her to such an act?

The only thing I can think of is that it is in response to an even greater love. She somehow received a love from Christ that was as profound or even greater. That is similar to what the Psalmist says in the above passage. He says that his praise (or activism) was in direct response to a love that is better than life itself!

For the Christian, this love is most beautifully and tragically demonstrated in the crucifixion of Jesus. A group of us are reading a series of weighty theological books right now - the current one being Hans Urs von Balthasar’s, Mysterium Paschale.  I feel smarter just typing that out (and my Word spell-checker is just freak’in out)!?!? 

Anyway, Balthasar writes,

“The cross is…the event towards which the history of his (Jesus’) life is oriented and through which it's other episodes receive their meaning. The cross is the midpoint of saving history, all the promises are realized in it, every aspect of the Law, with its quality as curse, is dashed to pieces on the Cross.” (p.17)

In other words, what Christ did on the Cross changes everything. Personally, it certainly did and continues to for me. The trajectory of my life has been permanently altered as a result of the forgiveness, that for me was only discovered and received in Jesus.

Although, the Biblical location of the story of Martha and Mary is certainly found pre-crucifixion, the reality of forgiveness is firmly fixed within the Gospel account. In a similar story involving a different woman but the same type of gesture, Jesus tethers the motivation of her extravagant love to this idea of forgiveness. He says to his guest, “I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” (Luke 7:47)

My concern is that many people today who are involved in the Missional conversation are not living into such a responsive life.  As the Apostle John put it, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (I John 4:10) Our activism is always a 2^nd movement. They are surely motivated to do good, to care for others and to act forcefully for justice in the world (all critical Kingdom activities), but are missing the important centered concept of Christ’s all loving act of dying on a cross for the forgiveness of their sins. His death obviously carries with it more meaning than forgiveness, but it certainly doesn’t carry less. For me, living outward toward the world with compassion is inseparablely connected to my experience of forgiveness of my sins.

“Because your love is better than life…

I serve those who have little or nothing, I contour my life so that it coincides with your Kingdom, I sacrifice in small and large way, and I will give all, even a year’s wages!

r